Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
