Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize