dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
