I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
