How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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