sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
