is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
