Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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