I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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