I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
