I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
