Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
