Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
