Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
