You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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