Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize