he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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