new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
