I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
