This girl is more easily done than said...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
