I'm drive I can fine osifer
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
