just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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