her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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