By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have fence marks all over my body
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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