we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
