Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
