Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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