Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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