Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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