I wish i was in the wii world.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize