I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do vagina's smell?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
