I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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