Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
