May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
