hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
