Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
