YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
