I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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