It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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