burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
