In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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