I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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