oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
