I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
