Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
