You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
