Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
