WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
its liver damage thursday
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
