It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am spending my child support on dildos
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
