shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
