Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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