I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
