why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize