dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize