how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
