Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My balls are so social today.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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