Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
