And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
