More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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