Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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