I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
