I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
