I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
