Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
