this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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