It's Friday. Sex?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
