im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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