I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We were destined to go to rehab together
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
