ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
