Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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