Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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