AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
