They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
