My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
